My First Year of College:

The Worst Year of My Life

College and life after high school in general is about learning, experiencing and making mistakes. Here is the story of my first year in college and how it shaped me into a completely different person within a year.

It’s Time to Talk College

Initial Excitement

For many of us, the college experience is something that we look forward to. We think it’s going to be similar to these coming of age romantic comedies that we see in television shows and movies.

The ones where the freshman girl bumps into this good looking guy, they become friends, fall in love and her roommate is her maid of honor at the wedding.

When in reality, it is the opposite.

Like many teenagers we probably searched on YouTube for what to buy, what to expect and what mistakes other people made when they first started college.

And I am going to be honest, none of those videos prepared me for what I went through. With that being said, I was still very much ready for college and the trials I was going to experience.

Or so I thought.

Move-In Day

The day had finally come. Move-in day.

I was finally going to on my own, away from home, living my “best” life.

Then the first problem arose. It began to rain. Now, my University is not too far away from home, about 90 minutes or so, but move-in day would be my first time driving on the highway.

I know what you’re thinking.

How did you get a license without knowing how to drive on the highway…..

That’s another story for another day.

Moving on, the drive was long and nail-biting. But by the time I got there the rain had let up and everything worked out.

After several trips up four flights of stairs, I was finally moved in and ready to go.

Only there was another problem.

I had not received my parking decal.

How was I going to park my car without receiving a ticket. And to make matters worse, the office for transportation was closed..

So instead of focusing on that problem, I decided to go grocery shopping and figure it out later.

Then it began to rain again and I got lost, resulting in me having a mental breakdown in the middle of a crowded street.

I can not make this up. My first day on my own and I was blowing it.

I pulled myself together and proceeded to head to the nearest grocery store, got my food, and went back to campus. I luckily found somewhere to park, but I had to pay by the day.

Then something else happened.

I can be very lazy at times and I try to do things as “efficiently” as possible.

So instead of me going to my dorm, walking my groceries up stairs and then parking my car. I decided to park my car and attempt to carry and walk a boatload of groceries to my dorm room.

I know.

I know.

At the time it seemed logical.

Looking back at it, I want to punch myself in the face.

As I am grabbing my groceries, I set my phone down on the edge of my car.

Huge Mistake.

I figure, it’s out of reach. If I close the trunk it won’t hurt it.

I was wrong.

I slammed my trunk shut and it smashed my phone screen in the process. So now I have a boatload of groceries, no GPS, because I had no idea where my dorm was, and no one to call.

Luckily I was able to ask Siri to call one of my close friends who attended the university with me to come and help me back to my room.

I then did not have a phone for several days. And I realized how much I depended on that thing.

Based on move-in day I should have none that college was going to be a wild ride. And man did I not buckle my seatbelt tight enough.

Fall Semester

Classes began and at that time my major was Chemical Engineering. I had a slight love for science and math, and wanted to use my degree for environmental conservation as well as creating my own hair and skin care line.

As a result, my classes were super demanding, and though I had taken AP classes, a waste of my time by the way, it still did not prepare me for the rigor of my engineering courses.

My first mistake was having an 8:30 AM Chemistry class, granted it was all they had left to offer, but I barely made it. That was my first misstep.

As a result, I got behind and it seemed harder and harder for me to catch up. As my class load increased, so did the hole that dug me deeper into a depression.

I knew the work had to be done, but instead of going to class, I would sleep in, go to my later classes then spend all night in the library to teach myself and repeat.

It was very unhealthy, and led to my downfall.

The more I spiraled, the more I began to isolate myself. From organization meetings and social events, to not even picking up cell phone calls from my family and lying about my grades.

And by the end of my first semester as a University student I wanted to give up.

Drop out of college and go home to sulk.

I went from being at the top of my game in High School, to having the lowest GPA in my entire life and being in danger of losing all my scholarships.

And that was when I knew something had to change.

My First Epiphany

Initially I wanted to transfer schools. I thought that maybe I needed a fresh start, somewhere closer to home so that I could have better support.

That did not happen unfortunately, but I also think it wasn’t meant to work out.

I also had to make another decision.

My major.

Was engineering something that I truly wanted to do?

And after contemplating for a few days, nearlty a week after being back home for Christmas break, I realized that it wasn’t.

I was so caught up in everyone’s high expectations for me that I failed to see that I was doing the same.

When choosing a major it’s important to choose something you are truly passionate about.

Whenever I talked about my major being Engineering, I did it for the appeal to others, rather than simply loving it for myself.

So now I had to tackle finding out what I did want to do.

I took personality, career and skills tests to try and firgure out what my strengths and weaknesses were.

Then it was like a lightbulb went off.

Writing. I like doing that.

Right?

Why not journalism..

So I contacted departments, switched my entire schedule around and I had officially become a student in the college of communications.

This was what I wanted. Now I could have a fresh start. Again.

Spring Semester

Christmas and New Years were a distant memory, and I couldn’t wait to see how I liked my new major and what the future held for me.

Now at this time I still was not completely self-aware, at least not as much as I am now, or thought I was.

So when classes began I got all my work done, no procrastination just straight grinding and making sure I did everything in my power to bring that GPA back up to good standing.

I finally began to feel like me again.

The classes I took, I enjoyed.

My new relationships were formed while old ones improved.

And my mind was in a much better place.

Until, like everyone else, the coronavirus came and disrupted our everyday routine and turned it into our new normal.

Quarantine & My Second Epiphany

Classes got shifted online.

Everyone had to move out and go back home.

And I did not have some of the freedoms I got used to while being away.

My mom who is a nurse was working on the front lines 12 hours a day. While I stayed home and watched my younger brother because being at day care was too risky due to his pre-existing conditions.

And that is how I spent most of 2020. Alone, with a four-year old and beginning to barely scrape by in my classes once again, because my motivation had been stripped from me.

Like many of us I spent most of quarantine doing absolutely nothing.

I scrolled through tik tok.

Ate food.

And binge watched shows on Netflix for entertainment.

But it got boring. Repetitive. Absolete.

What was I doing with my life? Was this where I truly wanted to go?

After seeing the many violent protests and the actions of not only the police but journalists I realized how corrupt everything is.

Can truly make a change if I was a part of a corrupt system?

No.

I have to do something else. But what?

So I went through another period of self-reflection, research and experimentation.

Here is what I did know for sure: I love to create, I am a writer, I have a voice, it needs to be heard.

It finally had come to me.

I want to build my own brand.

I want to inspire and motivate women and non-binaries my age to go after what they want, to be comfortable about making mistakes as they find their way, and to know that someone is always in there corner.

The Present

So here I am.

I will always remember January 4, 2021 as the day everything changed.

My mindset changed.

My focus shifted.

My perception of myself and the world became clear.

And that is how I turned my freshman year of college, the worst year of my life, into being the very circumstance that changed and defined my life forever.

Thanks for Talking,

Ty